I’m having a problem w/people not respecting writing hours. It’s sucking joy out of my soul. I want to be nice but firm and stick to my writing time, but it’s so hard when I have nothing to show for it. How can I make people take me seriously without a book in hand?

The more important question here is: How will you ever have a book in hand if you keep giving up your book-making time to these people?

Using the trajectory already established, look a year or two down the road. Do you see yourself with a published book or even a finished one? Or do you see yourself still arguing with this person or these people about the book you need to write?

A bigger question—where would you rather see yourself in that time? Apologizing to the person/people because unfortunately you won’t be able to accommodate them yet again? Or kicking yourself because the time you set aside for writing was once again eaten by someone else?

Look, I’m not trying to be judgmental or tough love-y or any of that stuff, because I know the tension you’re talking about. I deal with it every day. With my family. With my friends. With my health. With my job. 

Not being able to be there when someone needs you? Feels like crap.

And that’s before they lay that big ol’ guilt smackdown on top of you.

But—and yes, there’s a but—there will never be a time when this tension isn’t there. You could have a hundred books published, all of them international bestsellers, and you would still have this tension.

In fact, the tension would probably be a million times worse, because now, instead of non-writing things wanting your writing time, you have non-writing writing things wanting your writing time. Signings and tours and movie premieres and interviews and guest posts and speaking engagements…

My point is, the only thing you can do to safeguard your time…is to safeguard your time.

And this means saying something you really don’t want to say, probably because you know saying it will open a huge can of worms:

No.

Now, since that’s some really shitty advice that you’ve probably already thought of, I’m going to throw in some reasons why it’s the best answer ever and also how you can make it more palatable:

Schedule your writing time (efficiently).

I don’t mean something frivolous, like, I’m going to write for two hours at some point this week. Please. No one falls for that “I’ll get around to it” bullshit.

No, I’m talking about seriously penciling that shit in–Monday, from 2PM to 4PM, I’m writing.

I would even take it a step further—Monday, from 2PM to 4PM, I’m writing My Awesome Book, with a goal of 1,000 words, at the Starbucks across the street from the elementary school.

Not only will this kind of specificity lock you into a place and time, by knowing what project you’re working on and what you want to get done, you’re saving yourself from sitting down and spending an hour deciding which scene you want to write in which book.

(It also keeps you from spending those two hours on Pinterest and calling it “research.”)

Lie.

You would be surprised how forgiving people will be about your lack of availability when they think you’re unavailable for reasons other than writing. Yes, that sucks. But it can also work to your advantage. If you have made specific writing plans in advance and you still can’t catch a break? Tell them you have a doctor’s appointment. Or a meeting. Or you need to get your oil changed. Then go somewhere quiet—the hospital or the office or the car dealership—and get to work.

Be consistent.

People are creatures of habit. If you can commit to a recurring schedule—even if it’s the same hour of the same day every other week—not only will you benefit by making writing a routine, but eventually those around you will catch on that hey, you’re not available during that hour. Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel, and all that jazz.

Be as accommodating as you possibly can…while still holding firm to writing hours.

If you find yourself always in a situation where you can’t do something, start looking for what you can do, and offer that instead.

Here is a situation I had to deal with very recently. My writing hours are from 5PM to 1AM, with a 1 hour break in the middle because food, nom. My mother was having car trouble and needed a ride from work every day at 7PM. 

Because she’s my mother and I’m kind of attached to her and I don’t want her stranded at work until 1AM, of course I’m going to give her a ride. But the one hour I had for lunch wasn’t always enough for me to drive up there, wait until she was ready to leave (sometimes she has to work over), then drive her home, then come back to my office. I was losing two hours a night, and because of my other job and regular doctor’s appointments, I couldn’t alter my writing hours either way.

So the best solution was for me to get to her office at five, work through until she was ready to leave, then use that one hour to drop her off, come home, et cetera.

It’s not an ideal situation, but it was a win for both of us. And because I was willing to make an adjustment to respect her time, she’s much more willing to make adjustments and respect mine.

Don’t expect of others what you’re not willing to do, yourself.

Basically, why should anyone respect your writing time if you’re constantly blowing it off?

And I’m not saying you are. But are you?

Because I sometimes do, and I know I’m not alone in this. I know I’m not the only one who would sometimes rather eat shards of MRSA-laden glass than put fingers to keyboard or pen to paper or mouth to Dictaphone.

Writing can be hard and exhausting and demoralizing and sometimes I simply do not want to do it.

But indulge in blowing off writing enough times and it’s only a matter of time before your “writing time” becomes synonymous with “sitting on couch eating ice cream and watching a Top Chef marathon you’ve seen a million times.”

Another thing to consider is sacrifice. Are you giving up anything to write, like sleep or a favorite TV show or your lunch hour? Or are you expecting others to make all the sacrifices?

Listen, being a writer is hard. But being the friend or loved one of a writer can be just as hard. If you have someone who is making even the smallest effort to accommodate you, you have to do your part in accommodating them, too.

And finally…

Let go of the notion that you can in any way control someone’s perception of you.

This is the biggie. Because in the question, you seem to be under the impression that having finished a book or published a book somehow legitimizes what you do in everyone’s eyes.

This is so not the case.

So not the case.

Depending on what you write, it could even make things worse. You don’t know how many times I’ve dealt with people who were a hundred percent on board with the whole writing thing…until I told them what I write.

“Category romance…how long could THAT possibly take?”

“Chapter books! Ha! I could write one of those a day!”

“Young adult? I thought you were a serious writer!”

There’s actually a person in my life that probably shouldn’t be. I cringe a bit every times she asks about my writing. Every blip of interest she shows is entirely self-serving. Every acceptance is a fluke. Every rejection is a sign that I’m not as good as she presumes I think I am. She revels in my failure and seethes in my success.

It isn’t that she disrespects my writing so much as she simply does not like me. There’s nothing more to it than that. And there’s nothing I could do, no book I could write, no award I could win, no amount of money I could rake in, that would earn her respect. Because she has decided—unrelated to writing or any one particular thing—that she does not like me or anything I do.

And this is OK.

This is her problem. Not mine. 

And honestly? I don’t fucking care what she thinks.

You shouldn’t either.

Come on. You know this. You know you shouldn’t be writing for someone else (or a group of someone elses). The only reason to write anything is because you love it, you’re passionate about it, and even when you would rather eat shards of MRSA-laden glass, that story’s the only thing you can think about.

Do you know how much writing I would get done if I let Little Miss PrissyPants decide what was and was not a good use of my time? I would bet money that the number would be a negative.

In the same way, you can’t wait for permission to do what you know you should be doing. You can’t wait until someone gives you a thumbs up or takes you seriously. You just have to do it. Set some boundaries, draw a line in the sand, go to bat for your writing if necessary. But YOU have to do it. Because if you wait for someone to give the time to you, you will be waiting forever. And your books will never get written.

So again, we’re back to the original question. Using where you are now as a reference, where will you be in two years?

And what can you do to change that?