I’ve had this friend for years, we used to write fanfiction together when we were kids but now we write our own stuff. I let her critique my writing for years and she was always so critical. Almost mean about it. To the point where I would stop writing and move on to something else. Then I got this idea for a new book and didn’t tell her about it until I signed with an agent. Now she’s pissed bc I didn’t trust her enough to get her input. But I was afraid her input would make me stop. Help. 🙁

First things first, congratulations on your new book! Sounds like you created something really great.

And good for you, too, for not stopping this time when you felt insecure about your writing. That takes a lot of work, and you should be proud of yourself.

Now. About your friend. 

Are you sure you are, in fact, friends?

I don’t mean that in the sense that one of you has done something un-friendly to the other, or anything.

But sometimes writing friends aren’t really friends. They’re writing friends.

Meaning the foundation of the relationship is writing and sharing writing and critiquing writing and promoting writing, with no other common interests. You may be friendly with each other, but you’re not exactly friends.

Which would make her reaction make sense. Because in her mind, writing a book, getting an agent, might have been something she thought you would do together, and you cut her out of the process, whether you meant to or not.

That’s one possibility.

Another possibility is that you are friend friends, but are no longer compatible as writing friends. 

Maybe you were compatible as fan-fiction critique partners because you shared a love of that particular fandom, but aren’t necessarily fond of each others’ original writing. Or maybe you grew older, and your tastes grew apart, and neither one of you are willing to admit it yet.

I say this because it happens. Kind of like how your favorite author or favorite series one day doesn’t work for you anymore. And at first you’re mad at the creator, but eventually you realize it’s not just him, it’s you, too. You’ve changed. 

Maybe she’s mean in her critiques and supportive of you giving up those other books because she’s trying to guide you back to a style of writing she enjoys, like what you were writing when you met in fandom all those years ago. She wants to enjoy your work again, but she can’t, and she erroneously thinks it’s your fault.

And maybe the reason you didn’t tell her about this new book is because you knew she wouldn’t like it, knew she would try to talk you out of it, and likely succeed. Maybe in “hiding” this book from her, up until the agent stage, you were really just acknowledging what she couldn’t—that you’re not really compatible as writing friends anymore, and working together as closely as you used to only causes more harm than good.

Which is why knowing the difference between friend friends and writing friends is so important.

Because if you’re writing friends who are no longer compatible as writing friends…well…