Every now and then the shit hits the fan in such a way that I’m left alone in the PetSmart parking lot, sobbing into a slightly used McDonald’s napkin, wishing the earth would crack open and swallow me up, because somehow everything has gone to shit.

Everything. Shit. All of it.

I say this, and people are like, “OMG WHAT IS WRONG?”

And I don’t know what to tell them. EVERYTHING is wrong. NOTHING is wrong. I am wrong.

There’s this thing that happens when so much of who you are is wrapped up in any one thing. If something goes wrong, if you get get sad or despondent for no apparent reason, they automatically assume the reason why is buried somewhere in that part of you.

Which brings me to Sunday night. PetSmart. Parking lot. Salty McDonald’s napkin. And a friend on my cell telling me to calm down, calm down, there will be other books.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE WILL BE OTHER BOOKS?”

“Just that…Not everyone…Maybe you should focus on other things right now.”

“OH MY GOD YOU THINK MY BOOK SUCKS!”

“What? No. Of course not. But if you’re upset about it–“

“I’M UPSET BECAUSE I RAN OUT OF CAT FOOD AND PETSMART IS CLOSED AND THEY DON’T SELL IT ANYWHERE ELSE AND IT’S RAINING AND MY HAIR IS STUPID AND I GOT THE WRONG CLEMENTINES AT WAAAAALLLLL-MAAAAAAARRRRRRT…”

Truth is, now more than ever I’m grateful for writing and reading, and even my new Kindle, even though it took three hours to convert all my Nook books over to Kindle format. Every day is a struggle to keep my head above water, to keep from melting down or crippling with fear, and every minute I get to check out of this reality and find sanctuary in another truly is a blessing.